The Ice Man Cometh

man in red jumperI don’t normally do poetry but this time I couldn’t resist. And yes, it really did happen 🙂

“I was only trying to help,” said honey.
It really wasn’t meant to be funny.
When I turned off the switch,
I didn’t know it would be such a hitch,
I was just trying to save you some money.”

He growled “You turned off the heat!
The cat and I have such cold feet.”
“I think you should chill out,”
Said honey, her lip beginning to pout.
He glared, “I suggest you beat a hasty retreat,
Before I mete the worst spanking in creation
So you can’t sit down upon your own seat.

This is hereby official Domly notification
That I am taking immediate action to provoke a reaction
On your bottom.

That you’re going to be admonished,
I really don’t think you can be astonished.
You need a controlled, methodical lesson
Delivered with calculation, conviction and precision
Upon convection, conduction and radiation in relation
To the consequences
Of heat deprivation in extreme frost.

This you will receive, to your cost,
Until you learn that the fifth law of thermodynamics,
And the final, immutable and invariable law of universal physics,
No matter in which ‘brane, population or dimension, is:
‘Do not let honey press any buttons or switches, please.'”

If she ever does it again,
He’ll probably manage to count to ten,
But no doubt she will be told
That revenge is a dish best served cold.


And his reply?

“Occasionally one has to tell subbies to stop digging.

More rarely they are advised to put down the shovel.

Once or twice they have been advised not to use a JCB.

The advice this time runs along the lines of: “Send back the dragline excavator, and pay off the teams of navvies, since the present hole is more of a meteorite crater”.

I do suspect that a glowing object will be found in it’s depths though.”


And I really was trying to help. I went to turn off the coffee machine and pressed the wrong switch!

Written for a very good friend 🙂 x


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